Rated Facts
Fact:  Dad: Don't be selfish. Let your brother use the sled half the time. Son: I do, Dad. I use it going down the hill and he gets to use it coming up!
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Random 10 Facts
Fact:  Why were the hens lying on their backs with their legs in the air ? Because eggs were going up !
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Fact:  How do you make a slow reindeer fast ? Don't feed it !
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Fact:  Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining.
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Fact:  Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises.
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Fact:  Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia? A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.
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Fact:  Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why? Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.
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Fact:  The teacher asked Simon to say his name backwards. "No mis" he replied
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Fact:  Mama Pig has a great, new kitchen appliance that lets her prepare meals ahead. It's called a garbage compactor.
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Fact:  After a venerable career of endless, stellar successes the greatest director who ever lived is in his prime and preparing for his most ambitious project ever when he unexpectedly dies and is called home to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gate. "So sorry about your untimely death," he tells the director. "But God himself has called you home. You see, God wants you to direct a movie for Him." The great man is humbled, "God wants ME to direct a film?" "Yes," St. Peter tells him. "And we've arranged to have the best of everything made available to you. For example, the script is by William Shakespeare." The director is stunned, "An original screenplay by William Shakespeare?" "Yes," St. Peter assures him, "And it's his greatest work ever." "Wow!" says the Director, awe struck. "Your Production Designer will be Michaelangelo. We've got Leonardo Da Vinci d oing the sets, your musical score will be an original work by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and your cast includes a young Laurence Olivier and the greatest actors of all time in supporting roles." The Director can't believe it. "This is incredible," he says. "This will be the greatest movie ever?" St. Peter kind of shuffles his feet. "Well," he says, "we do have one tiny little problem." "Problem?" says the director. "What kind of a problem?" St. Peter puts his arm around the director's shoulder, "Ya see," he whispers, "God's got this girlfriend..."
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Fact:  Little Monster: I hate my teacher. Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
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