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| Fact: |
Sauer and Tolbert went to the zoo and
watched in
awe as a lion let
loose with a spine-tingling roar.
"Let's
get out of here!" said Sauer.
"Go on, if'n you want to," said
the other
redneck. "But Ah'm
stayin' for the whole movie!" |
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| Fact: |
An enterprising mayor of the city of
Granby,
Quebec, a community south of Montreal, established a municipal zoo
that has become a significant tourist attraction. It has also given rise
to
many unusual events.
Last September one of the star
attractions, Arnold, an
Indonesian ape,
escaped to the dismay of the zoo
director. The matter was a serious
one
because the members of the
staff of the zoo, while expert at caring for
animals, had no
experience whatsoever in rounding them up or capturing
them.
The zoo
director appealed to the office of the mayor for help and the
secretary to the mayor asked, "Have you looked in the yellow pages"?
The
director said he hadn't, but would, immediately.
To his
surprise, under
"animal capturing service" he found a listing
for the
Acme Ape Apprehenders. He
called them immediately.
Within 20
minutes, a panel truck arrived at the admin
office of the zoo
and
a small man emerged and rushed to the director who was
waiting at
the door.
"Is there a wooded area in the vicinity?", the
little man asked. The
director said there was, within one half mile from
the
zoo. "Hop in
the truck", the little man said. The director did
and they drove off.
Minutes later they arrived at a small grove
and immediately spotted
Arnold
on a branch about 25 feet above the
ground.
The two men got out, went to the
back of the truck and
the little man
opened the door. An excited little dog jumped
out
and began running
around in circles.
The little man reached
into the
truck and took out a suitcase, which he
opened. In the
suitcase were a pair of
handcuffs, which he handed to
the zoo director,
a sawed off shotgun, which he leaned
against the trunk
of the tree,
and a baseball bat.
"Now," the little man
said, "I'm going up
into the tree with the
baseball bat, and I'm going to knoc
k the ape out of the tree. The
instant the ape hits the ground the
dog, well
trained, will bite the ape by
the crotch and chomp-down
with his jaws. The ape will,
instantly and
instinctively, grab at
his crotch with both hands due to the pain, and
you
snap the
handcuffs on and we've got him.
The zoo director, pointing to
the
shotgun leaning against the tree,
said "I'm not too sure about this --
what's the gun for?"
The little man said, "Look, I'm an
expert. I know
what I'm doing and
things will go just fine, after all,
I have the baseball bat. I
know my
job and it'll never happen but
if the ape should, by any chance, knock
ME out of the tree, SHOOT
THE DOG!!!" |
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| Fact: |
Two young nuns having just been ordained
were on a
holiday in New York City and were standing in front of the gorilla
cage
at the Bronx Zoo. The gorilla took one look at this beautiful
young
nun, bent the bars, lept to the ground and kissed her. Then
he went back
into
his cage, straightened the bars and resumed
thumping on his massive
chest. The nouns
met again a week later and one
of the nouns asked her
friend,"I have one
question.Did he sent
flowers
afterwards...?" |
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| Fact: |
Caller: Finally! I got through! I've
been trying
to call the zoo for
hours!
Zookeeper: Yes, all our lions were
busy! |
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| Fact: |
A Scotsman paying his first
visit to
a zoo
stopped by one of the cages
"An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked
the
keeper.
"Thats a moose from Canada", came the reply.
"A moose
!!", exclaimed the
Scotsman. "Hoots, mon, if that's a
moose then
they must ha' rats the size of
elephants over there !" |
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| Fact: |
What
did the Hollywood producer say
to the
Apes in the zoo when they refused
to sign contracts to appear in his
new
film?
Stop playing it cagey! |
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| Fact: |
When an ape visits his tailor, what kind
of a
suit does he order?
A zoo-t suit! |
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| Fact: |
FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time
I came
face to face with a very fierce gorilla?
BERT: No, what
happened?
FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla
looked
at me
and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came
closer and
closer
. . .
BERT: What did you do?
FRED:
Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to
the next cage. |
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| Fact: |
What's
the difference between a
Northern zoo
and a Southern zoo?
In a Northern zoo you have the name of the
animal and the Latin name
underneath. In a Southern zoo you haven the
name of
the animal and a
recipe underneath. |
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| Fact: |
Little Jordan wanted to go to the zoo
and pestered
his
parents, Al and
Elaine, for days. Finally Elaine talked
Jordan's reluctant
father into taking him. And so Jordan and Al got
into the
car and
left.
"So how was it?" Elaine asked when
they returned
home.
"Great," Little Jordan replied.
"Did you
and your father have a good
time?" asked Elaine.
"Yeah, Daddy
especially liked it," exclaimed Jordan,
excitedly,
"especially when
one of the animals came racing home at 30 to
1!" |
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