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| Fact: |
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that
ate his
uncle's wife? He was an aunteater. |
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| Fact: |
Why was the cannibal expelled
from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher. |
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| Fact: |
These two construction workers always noticed
that their boss always left
early on Fridays. So one asked the
other that if the boss left early
next
Friday if he would want
to also. The other man agreed. Sure enough,
when
Friday came,
the boss left early. Therefore, the two men left also. The
one
offered the other to join him down at the bar, but he decided to
just
head on home. When he arrived home, he heard a noise from up stairs.
When
he reached the top of the stairs, he noticed that the
noise was coming
from the bedroom. He opened the door and saw his boss
sleeping with his
wife, so he quietly closed the door and headed
back down the stairs and
out the front door. He made his way down to
the bar to see if his
friend
was still there and he was. His
friend asked, "I thought you were
headed
home?" The man replied,
"I did, but this is the last time I ever
leave
work early a
gain." His friend asked, "Why's that?" The man replied,
"I
almost got caught by the boss." |
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| Fact: |
A man is flying in a hot air balloon
and
realizes he is lost. He reduces
his altitude and spots a man down
below. He lowers the balloon further
and shouts: "Excuse me, can you
tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot
air balloon, hovering 30
feet
above this field."
"You
must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist.
"I do,"
replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well" says the balloonist,
"everything you have told me is
technically
correct, but
completely useless."
The man below says: "You must be in
management."
"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you
know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where
you're
going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the
same
position you were before we met, but now it's my fault." |
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| Fact: |
Several
weeks after a young man had been
hired, he was called into
the personnel director's office. "What is
the meaning of this?" the
director asked. "When you applied for this
job, you told us you had
five
years experience. Now we
discovered this is the first job you've ever
held."
"Well," the young
man replied, "in your advertisement you said you
wanted somebody
with imagination." |
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| Fact: |
There was this man who was in a
horrible
accident, and was injured. But
the only permanent damage he suffered
was the amputation of both of his
ears. As a result of this
'unusual' handicap, he was very
self-conscious
about his having no
ears.
Because of the accident, he received a large sum of money
from the
insurance company. It was always his dream to own his own
business, so
he
decided with all this money he had, he now had
the means to own a
business. So he went out and purchased a small,
but expanding computer
firm. But he realized that he had no
business knowledge at all, so he
decided that he would have to hire
someone to run the business. He
picked
out three top candidates, and
interviewed each of them. The first
interview went really well. He
really liked this guy. His last question
for this first candidate
was, 'Do you notice anything unusual about
me?'
The guy s
aid, 'Now that you mention it, you have no ears.' The man
got
really upset and threw the guy out. The second interview went even
better
than the first. This candidate was much better than the
first. Again,
to
conclude the interview, the man asked the same
question again, 'Do you
notice anything unusual about me?' This
guy also noticed, 'Yes, you
have
no ears.' The man was really
upset again, and threw this second
candidate
out. Then he had
the third interview.. The third candidate was even
better
than
the second, the best out of all of them. Almost certain that he
wanted to hire this guy, the man once again asked, 'Do you notice
anything
unusual about me?' The guy replied 'Yeah, you're wearing
contact
lenses.'
Surprised, the man then asked, 'Wow! That's
quite perceptive of you!
How
could you tell?' The guy burst out
laughing and said, 'Well, You
can't
wear glasses if you d
on't have any ears!' |
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| Fact: |
When Abraham Liebowitz
gets to school he
discovers that he is the only
Jewish kid in the class. But it's a
decent town and nobody really
bothers
him.
One day the
teacher asks the class "Who was the greatest person who
ever
lived? and why?" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar
bill
in the air and said "whoever gives the best answer will get
this
twenty
dollars".
All of the kids called out their
guesses.
One said "George Washington - because he was the father
of our
country."
"That's excellent" said the teacher.
Another said "Abraham Lincoln - because he freed the slaves."
"That's also good" said the teacher, reluctant to bestow an
excellent, but
still being polite.
One little girl said "Joan
of Arc - because she saved France."
Another excellent choice
said the teacher.
Then Abraham Liebowitz, raised his hand.
nSo the teacher called on him. "Abraham, who do you think was the
greatest
person who ever lived, and why?"
And Abraham said
"Jesus Christ."
The teacher was shocked. "Abraham," she said "I'm
very surprised.
Class,
I think we can all agree that Abraham
should get the twenty dollars."
And
she handed Abraham Liebowitz
the money.
At recess, the teacher was still very impressed. So she
asked Abraham
why
he said Jesus.
Abraham said "Look,
personally I think Moses was the greatest person
who
ever lived,
but... business is business!" |
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| Fact: |
A grizzled old man was eating
in a truck
stop when three Hell's Angels' bikers walked in. The first walked
up
to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and
then
took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old
man, spat
into the
old man's milk and then he too took a seat at the
counter. The
third walked up to
the old man, turned over the old
man's plate, and
then he took a seat at the
counter.
Without a
word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner. Shortly
thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress,
"Humph, not much of a
man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver
either, he just
backed his big-rig over three motorcycles." |
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